So I was going to write the third edition of ‘Between Villages’, but I cannot today. I do not have the headspace for that emotional rollercoaster. So instead, I am going to talk to you about breaking my arm in my 30’s.
DO NOT do this my friends. You may know a child who has broken their arm, and 5 minutes later they are fine. FINE. This is not the case as a whole adult. I made two entire humans, yet my arm won’t face up anymore. I did not even do anything amazing, I was walking my dog.
This is my dog. Penelope Ann, Penny for short. I named her after Penelope from Criminal Minds. R even calls her baby girl. This dog is simple, full of love, has zero meanness, and also has no spacial awareness.
Let me set the scene for you. It is Halloween, and it is beautiful out, it is the PERFECT night for trick or treat, everyone is outside, all of my neighbors. My husband R had a crazy early shift, so he is going to chill on the porch as Spiderman, and I am going to walk Link and Star Lord around with Penny… as a demon myself.
We started off strong, and we got to the first trick-or-treat ready house, only 3 houses away from ours (score!) and Penny was so excited. I attempted to correct her, you see she was pulling, and I turned her around. Correction, I thought I turned her around. She was still in front of me. I took a step and went down like every fat momma joke you have ever heard. The earth shook, I swear there was an indent in the earth. I had stuck out my hand to catch myself, and I heard the crack when I hit.
I sat up. Told Link and Star Lord to retrieve Spiderman, and promptly called 9-1-1 on myself. In case you may be concerned, baby girl was uninjured, Spiderman took her to safety. She was SO SORRY. Now, If you haven’t ever called 911 on yourself, what happens is they send everyone. They send fire, ambulances, and police. I shut down the whole street on the one day a year everyone is outside of their homes walking around. Like usual, the rescue personnel were the greatest. A dozen grown men reassuring me that I was going to be fine, and making sure to compliment my hair.
I was whisked away to the ER, where I was told I completely broke my radial neck right at the radial head (forearm bone, right at the elbow). Somehow I managed to not break any of the tiny bones in my hand and wrist and I broke a large difficult one instead. Typical. The official name of my injury? FOOSH, Falling On Out Stretched Hand. I am not even kidding. I may be the first FOOSH demon to ever visit the ER.
It has now been 5 months and my arm will never be the same. I am still all kinds of gimpy. All of my neighbors still know me as “the pink haired lady who broke her arm on Halloween”, and I have a whole new bag of party tricks that I never wanted. Like the ability to horrify people with my weird dislocating thumb. Also, I discovered that Etsy has the most amazing selection of slings and other useful things if you injure yourself and are also a little extra.
If you do happen to fall over your dog and break your arm, go to all the physical/occupational therapy they order, and take your vitamins ok?
The only thing I am going to be for Halloween from now on is a hamster in a ball. Have an embarrassing injury story? Tell me about it!