The Things They Don't Tell You About Becoming A Parent Before You Become A Parent… part 1 of (?)

The Things They Don't Tell You About Becoming A Parent Before You Become A Parent… part 1 of (?)

Anyone who has kids knows this all too well… people love to give out parenting advice, they offer it up for free on a silver platter expecting you to drool over their every word as if the advice they are offering is better than a bacon wrapped date… as if! And, while the advice can be welcomed in the right setting, it can get old real fast, especially when it sounds something like this:

Pregnancy is a wonderful time, enjoy every minute of it, sleep while you can - once that little one arrives you will never sleep again, breast-is-best!, oh- a little rum on the gums is how you make it through teething, sleep when the baby sleeps, vaccines - yes, vaccines - no, they are so precious, enjoy this time, they grow up so fast, capture every moment, don’t forget to take care of yourself - you can’t take care of anyone if you aren’t here, remember to make time for your marriage - have date nights!, it’s ok to…. insert advice here….

Ok, that wasn’t all “advice” but it’s the stuff you hear over and over and over again. But here’s the thing —- that’s all nice to know, but for all of these people out there telling you to remember this and don’t forget that, why is no one telling us about these important little snack bites?

  1. Pregnancy lasts for not 9 but 10 months! 10. T. E. N. 10!! (chew that over for a minute, I can wait…)

  2. Childbirth will change you, man.

  3. You give up your freedom, all of it. And not like this idea of freedom, like, “oh, sorry, we can’t go out tonight - no babysitter!” but literally, like, “My body isn’t my own + I NEVER GO PEE ALONE ANYMORE!!!!” type of freedom.

  4. Being a parent is hard. And not just the things they tell you about being hard are hard, ALL of it is hard.

  5. Baby Shark is only cute for so long, da-duh-duh-da-da-da-da….

  6. Your kids turn into mini-you’s. Even if it isn’t through appearance or it doesn’t last forever, at some point, you will have a conversation with your younger self. It’s the mannerisms + verbatim attitude that really gets me.

  7. You will do “all the things” you hated that your parents did —- at least some of them.

  8. You will understand the love that develops between a parent + a child is unlike any other.

  9. Please + Thank You will only get you so far…. Seriously.

  10. All of your “eccentricities” become amplified —- my OCD went from “self-diagnosed” to being clinically diagnosed.

  11. Kids are gross —- you will, in turn, become gross.

  12. Be prepared to get sick. Like actual illness, but also, you might get sick changing diapers. (A face mask is highly suggested.)

  13. Your parents embarrassing you has nothing on your kids. They will embarrass you more than you could ever imagine —- just wait.

    Especially when they are mimicking you + you realize that you embarrass yourself by being yourself —- that’s a tough one.

  14. You will talk about poop more than you even knew was possible.

  15. Coffee. Just coffee. More coffee, please.

  16. Laundry! Who knew someone so little could make so much laundry!!!

  17. You need to teach your kids common sense —- don’t touch the hot oven door —— don’t touch the hot oven door —- don’t touch the hot oven door —- don’t touch…..

  18. People will interrupt your parenting constantly!

    NO. YOU DON’T NEED ANY CANDY —- SEE, THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY! is it okay to give her a sucker?! (with said sucker in hand…) GRRRRR!!

  19. It is really hard not to laugh, REALLY REALLY HARD. Practice not laughing at hilariousness. Practice Hard!

  20. There will be moments where you can’t do anything except give in, laugh, and share the story….

Last night I was out to dinner with my family. My daughter is almost 4 and she is such a big girl, she can go potty all by herself! (cool, right?!) She thinks that this freedom extends to the use of the entire public restroom once she enters it demanding complete privacy, which is not cool with me —- this doesn’t really vibe well with her unless you are going to be using the restroom as well, in your own stall of course. I went in with her, told her she could have all the privacy she wanted in the stall but that I was staying. She looked me dead on — pushed, no shoved, me with both hands — told me that she was “putting her foot down” and started screaming, yelling, and throwing a temper tantrum for no reason. This 3 minute meltdown concluded with her going into her own stall + going potty, coming out washing her hands, telling me she loves me + turning back into that sweet sweet angel I know as my daughter…… Until we got back to the dinner table, that is :)

Happy Weekend! ~Melissa~

THIS IS MOTHERHOOD —— KEEP ‘EM HAPPY + WORK OUT THAT BOD! (ALSO, TAKE EVERYTHING YOU OWN WITH YOU EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE!)

THIS IS MOTHERHOOD —— KEEP ‘EM HAPPY + WORK OUT THAT BOD! (ALSO, TAKE EVERYTHING YOU OWN WITH YOU EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE!)

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