I’m sure you have all heard of BINGO. You know the game where you take a stamper and a card and you match the B4 and after, (just kidding, a little BINGO humor for you) and when you have five in a row or diagonal, you yell out BINGO? Well I have created a game that I think we will all win at, sadly.
It’s called MOM and everyone is a winner. Whether you have been the one doing the shaming or the one who has been shamed, you will be able to cross off at least three, if not this entire board.
Mom-shaming has always been around, but it is however, more prevalent now in our world of social media. There is so much contradicting information out there that it could make your head spin. From vaccinations, to what to feed your children, to how you potty train or sleep train them, I don’t think you could ever really do the “right” thing or be the “correct” kind of mom.
I don’t know if it’s the fact that I have tattoos and a nose ring or that I age well, but I get a lot of women that come up to me to comment on my parenting style. Yes, complete strangers.
I have a little something I wanna say about that…
I spend every day with my children, I have that luxury because I am a stay-at-home-mom. And before you say anything, no I don’t judge working moms, I think as long as you love your children the best you know how, you are going above and beyond! Anyways back to the shaming…because I spend every day, all day with my kids I have the luxury and silent burden of knowing their limitations.
My oldest has always been a very agile and physical kid. He has been able to climb, since he was about a year old. I know this because I have watched him. Here’s the kicker, when we are at a park and he is climbing on something and I am not worried, it doesn’t mean I’m not watching him and not on edge, it means that I have faith in his abilities and I will be right there if something were to happen. Along with this, when he falls I assess how bad of a fall it is. I don’t react because most of the time my first knee jerk reaction would be to lose it and start crying for him. I don’t ever want my children to hurt, but I also don’t want to have an aneurysm by the time I’m 35.
Me not jumping up and going directly to them, is not me being neglectful. Stop judging me.
I have been told that I needed to put a coat on them. What that woman didn’t know was that I begged and pleaded for them to put their coats on, but they refused and I was so exhausted from the day and we were literally walking two feet into a store. So no. I didn’t put a jacket on my kid.
I guess you missed the blanket that I had ready to wrap around them and shield them from the wind. Stop judging me.
I have been ‘made aware’ that my child was driving his car out of the stroller. “You need to not let him do that because he’s going to really hurt himself.” My children have very big imaginations. It was a Woody car, you know, from Toy Story. My stroller has a basket that lays under the seats and he likes to lay in that and put his hand out with his car so it can drive out of the back of the stroller. He was reenacting the end scene from Toy Story where Woody and Buzz were riding RC to try and catch up to the moving truck. He was using his imagination and yes, I am extremely aware of where his hands are.
No, I am not going to step on him, but thank you for thinking I have absolutely no awareness. Stop judging me.
There have been so many of these little micro-judgments that it’s hard to recall them all, but below are a few things that I ‘should be doing differently’. These are the two that I hear the most, especially in this social media era.
*My kids don’t wear clothes most of the time. They wear them when they leave the house, but while we are home they just want to be naked. Yes, they have a closet full. Yes, they have pants. We only have a finite number of years that we can walkaround in our diaper or underroos with not a care of who sees us. Let them be.
*My kids get screen-time and ‘crap food’. Guess what they also choose fruit over candy and being outside to any sort of screens. Sometimes, however, I have a lot of things to get through and need a second of a break where my kids are zombies and not fighting or up my butt. Sorry, not sorry. Oh and if you’re shocked to find out that a stay-at-home mom has a full day of things, then you should probably take a long hard look at yourself because chances are you just marked off a square and are that much closer to winning M*O*M BINGO.
The next time you feel yourself being shamed or feel as though you are the one doing the shaming, maybe instead you should exert compassion. (this includes yourself, don’t self-shame) Let’s stand together as mothers, because let’s face it, it’s us against them and they have way more energy!!