The craftiest of them all.

The craftiest of them all.

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Today I feel like a genius. But, let me start with the fact that I did not come up with this idea. That honor goes to the food Network and/or whoever works there and found it. This is simply a case of I saw something on social media and decided I could do it better. AND. I. DID. Or at least in my opinion I did. Original post can be found here, I didn’t exactly follow their directions… I used them more as an inspiration. Full disclosure I didn’t even read the directions, so I used none of them. I totally saw a clip on social media and evil masterminded it. I made a flowerpot into a wine dispenser and I am so fucking proud of me.

So let us start with supplies. I went to the craft store and just bought everything that made me smile. This included an entire aisle of fake succulents, fairy lights, chalk board signs, and a pretty cloth bow. Things you also need, but may not spark joy so to speak, include a foam round, and a plastic flowerpot. Now listen, I am not the reigning expert on flowerpot crafts, but I stuck with plastic. I am sure you can use clay or ceramic, but I would put that squarely in the “advanced” column and I am not here yet. Supplies you may already have at home: craft butterknife, glue gun and sticks, box wine (2 boxes, one to help while you do this, the other for the pot), scissors, a lighter, maybe a drill… idk. Maybe go look at the link, they are probably far more prepared than I was.

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If there is a technical term for this, I do not know it. What I did was shave the foam with my trusty craft butterknife so it would fit into the pot.

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And then I did that some more, because that is more time consuming than I had anticipated. Is it perfect? No. Does it look good? Also no.

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Next up simply trim the chosen faux flora and fauna for insertion into the foam disk. Or do what I did and rage out with a stream of profanity at how fucking impossible it is to cut this shit and then give up and trim nothing. Just stick it in there (that is absolutely what she said).

This is where I chose to take a break because crafts are supposed to be RELAXING. I AM SO RELAXED.

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So there were spaces in between the things I stuck into the foam, I wanted to cover that by attempting to hot glue bitty rocks to the foam. I couldn’t find any of the extension cords in the pit of despair (aka the garage). I found instead this 3 pronged monstrosity, but it worked so I won’t complain. Hot glue plan went horribly wrong. I should note, stones and foam are not meant to be together. I really don’t know what you are supposed to glue them with. Maybe that was addressed in the instructions I didn’t read. Oh well. Too late now. The rocks ultimate destiny was my carpet.

Here is probably where you are supposed to make a hole in the flower pot for the wine spout. I tried attacking it with a knife, and when that didn’t work the wine told me that fire was the answer. Indeed it was. I used my husband’s drill to make a starter hole (don’t tattle, snitches get stitches), and then melted the plastic around with my trusty lighter until it was a larger hole. Bonus to my obviously ingenious method, the edges weren’t sharp.

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Then you just kind of throw it all together. Important note: I ended up putting the ribbon under the foam, so I can lift out the insert to access the wine. Then I just wrapped it around and tied it like a goddamn pro.

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Look at it SHINE. What purpose does this serve? Let’s review:

  1. It is aesthetically pleasing

  2. You can hide your taste in wine from frenemies

  3. Your mother in law won’t know you drink wine by the box

  4. Fairy lights, I don’t think that needs elaboration

So ends this edition of “The craftiest of them all”. I hope I inspired you to hide your box wine as well. Let me know what you think in the comments. -Suzanne







On the subject of…ME (&YOU) #selfpreservation

On the subject of…ME (&YOU) #selfpreservation

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