She's So Weird: Winds of Change
There are good dates to remember. And sometimes there are bad dates that you can’t forget. Tragedies, deaths, breakups, etc. Every year I’ve let those dates weigh over me. Especially with the death of a loved one and specifically within the last two years, just a violent day that haunts me. I always took those dates and spent that time missing the person or hating the other person for causing that bad day. I would let my depression amplify like it was Halloween and this was the only time for my negativity to sore like a witch on a broomstick. Unhealthy, I know. There is a season of dates in my life, every year, that I have a hard time with. And that season is now.
About a week ago, the day before my dad’s d-day this year, as always, the mood was sad and filled with memories of him. I had taken the trash out and felt this gnarly gust of wind. My thoughts started racing out of nowhere, like bugs racing to the patio light that was just turned on. I was thinking about his d-day, and (for better lack of words) my tragedy day that was coming up. All the bad dates. I was thinking about how tired I was and wondering how I was going to deal with them all and the emotions that came along with them this year… on top of everything else I had going on.
When that wind hit my face, it took my breath away. I suddenly got this overpowering feeling that something was coming. (Side note, if you know me, I do this a lot. I feel too much! I take pride on reading the winds of change, what?!) I came inside and Marco’d my besties asking them if they were feeling the same energy or the energy from the solar eclipse that was going to happen three days later. I also went on talking about the string of bad dates and how I was retreating socially because of them. Then my bestie said that dates are just dates. They don’t hold the power, we place that power on the dates. She was specially talking about my tragedy date. Basically she told me not to let the tragedy date define the day and that I was stronger than that.
And I agree with that. But that answer wasn’t enough for me, or the winds of change. It was part of the answer that was needed, for sure. But the breeze and I required something more meaningful, because everything happens for a reason. (And yes, I’m totally giving the wind a persona in this post because it’s my friend and I’m an air sign, duh!) [#sheissoweird]
There was an opportunity here. An opportunity to throw a positive spin on these bad dates. Instead of letting those tragic dates define me and the day, I should celebrate how far I’ve come. If I can already celebrate the good memories of my dad (which is what I do every year), then why can’t I apply that same idea to the other bad dates? Was that the thought the winds of change was trying to tell me? Probably not. It was probably just the wind, lol. But it felt like the answer I needed.
And maybe you’re reading this like, “Yeah that’s what you’re supposed to do, Dano.” Well, I didn’t know! I’m still learning life like the rest of you… One step at a time, and one gnarly breeze at a time. But if you’re like me and have a hard time with the bad dates, let’s do this together and celebrate how far we’ve come. Let’s celebrate how we’ve picked ourselves up in the darkest times of the day and carried our hopes and goals to the sunrise, on a fucking broomstick of course…
To keep the positive mood going, here’s a handful of songs that make me super happy.
Be kind and love hard,